And all the hours I’ve spent with him have been forgotten in the last 24

"i want to stay as close to the edge as i can without going over. out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center." -k.v.

the weird, the wonderful

i will let your words be enough.


i didn’t go to see the city, i went to see it around you.

We were dancing
like maniacs,
you were moving so fast!
I could hardly see you.

(just your face
your eyes
your lovely thoughts)


woke up missing you.

“The words…sounded as if they were floating like flowers on the water out there, cut off from them all, as if no one had said them but they had come into existence by themselves.

And all the lives we ever lived and all the lives to be are full of trees and changing leaves.”


I’m more in love with the simple things. Like the steam that rises off coffee in the morning, and the light breeze that tickles your bare legs when you open the windows, and even smaller miracles than that … if you look hard enough.


I wonder sometimes if it’s really that awful to wish that someone would find you genuinely beautiful. Sometimes I worry it will never happen again …

Time has told me, you are a rare, rare find. A troubled cure for a troubled mind. And time has told me not to ask for more, for someday our ocean will find its shore.

he saddest thing that I can possibly think of is a dead bird, they make me think about how no matter how free you are, one day you will die.



i feel too much.
that's whats going on.
do you think one can feel too much?
or just feel in the wrong ways?
my insides dont match my outsides..
do anyones insides and outsides match up?
i don't know. i'm only me.
maybbbbe that's what a personality is:
the difference between the inside and outside..?..yes?


“We are just friends. Several times now, I have fallen asleep intertwined with you. Cheek to cheek, even lip to lip-just feeling your breath on my skin. We go no further. Today we went for a walk after a summer pour, and I could feel the warm steam rising from the streets. Now tonight, I sleep alone. It’s probably healthy because when I’m tangled up with you I can hardly sleep at all. I spend the whole night on fire, quietly smoldering most of the time. Except when you pull me closer and rub your soft scruffle up and down my neck and chest. Or when you grab me by the hip bone and sink your thumbs into my flesh, sending electric chills up and down my body. Or when you pull me into you, sliding your fingers down my spine until they press the small of my back (chills, again). Or when your lips find the back of my neck and you mumble about how good I smell. Those are the times that the smoldering gives way to a blazing flare and all I can do is hope for a nap the next day.

But not tonight. You’re there and I’m here. I could never tell you this, but every night your body isn’t pressed against mine, I have to pack pillows around myself just to fall asleep. But we are just friends, and I’m sure you sleep fine without me.”

my brain & heart seem to be disconnected or get lost somewhere in your touch. you’ve taken my senses, left me senseless, and i cant help but love you for it.



But anyhow- fall is in the air, & I am so excited for applepicking, hayrides, drug trips in the fall colors, hats & jackets, crisp air, snugglefucking with boo deep undercovers, hot applecider & captians, & a mellow transition into the snowy months. :)




heat lightning.


(781): Are you seriously drinking already? It’s 11AM. Still morning.
(1-781): I’m going by McDonald’s time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.



we went to a fair & wore cowboy boots & no underwear. rode our first ride together besides the last 2+ months. kissed on the ferris wheel & you bought me an ice cream cone & kept your arm tight round my waist. you told me the carnival ride lights danced on my face & in my eyes & you couldn’t stop staring. you turn me on at the look in your eye. bought a bag of trees from the fattest man I’ve ever seen with his shirt off. we sang on the drive home. you played with my hair & we talked about the seasons. you kissed me in bed. we made love in the silence of the city & my heart never sang so loud. we slept a few hours & ran out the door in the morning sun to do it all over again. I want to live like this forever.


out of order

one of the sexiest things nature does. its that time of the summer where we sit on the porch & our feet are tierd, our bodies tanned, those clothes we bought for the summer are well worn, mouths full of stories, & we wonder where the fuck all that time went.

i love you, forever.

A love that beats the odds. A love that shakes the statistics. A love that made the happiest place on earth


Just.A.Little.Happier.Today

note: I never saw an ugly thing in my life, for let the form of an object what it may, light, shade, and perspective willalways be beautiful

"When I'm sad, he comes to me.
With a thousand smiles, he gives to me free
It's alright he says, it's alright...
Take anything you want from me."

you are like a beautiful tree

with roots in the ground so deep they could never be seen. im a leaf that's ready to fall and the wind's gonna blow me someday away from it all


i can't do the talk like the talk on the tv and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be i can't do everything but id do anything for you can't do anything except be in love with you

hempel

all i want inside a car is music. When a favorite old song comes on the radio, i can never hear it past the first few notes. the song, evocative, will take me to the place and time where i first came to hear it. i'll be taken over for the length of the song, and returned when it stops, having missed it, only knowing it was there becuase now it isn't there. the same thing happens when i think about you. although the trajectory is different it is not the past, a past we haven't shared, but the future i am taken to by how quickly you have left.

i wish

i saw more of this...

ticky tacky

things to remember:

-everyone feels like everyone else just not at the same time.
-people are unpredicatable
-letting go is better than maintaining control
-absolutely nothing good can come out of over thinking

tired of life

now that i have found someone i am felling more alone..
then i ever have before.

..

i like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop. this is the night, what it does to you. i had nothing to offer anyone except my own confusion. -Kerouac

oh oh oh wondering

the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..

twenty

years from now, you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do rather than the things you did.

The easiest

way to avoid living is to just watch...

EVERYONE

leaves if they get the chance..



...I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together...

i'm scared

because there is only one of you.

all of my friends

are leaving me.








i feel like a diffrent person.
... i am a different person.

it's a marathon and loves too late

i finally know now what i should have known then...



i've never been this broken in my entire life.
i have never felt as ruined as i do now.
i have never felt "dead".
i have never been this scattered.
i have never been this disappointed.
i have never been stabbed in the back like this before.
i have never loved someone so much it hurts.
i have never misunderstood someone so much.
i have never lost this much faith in someone in 24 hours.
i have never been this crushed.
i have never wanted to forget someone more in my entire life.
i wish i never met you.
and i wish i didnt love you, it makes things so much harder than they have to be.
apart of me wants to hate you.
never in my life have i ever felt so many mixed emotions, its frightning.
how do you feel knowing that you did all of this to me?


you were all i had, and you ruined me.



i am worth everything you never thought i was.

nothing in this world that is worth fighting for comes easy.
and all i know is even if i had something good i wouldnt know what to do with it.

How strange it is to be anything at all.

are you living, or are you existing?

har har har

i stole this from someone

I mean really, honestly, is it really amazing? The only things that amaze me are you and The Grand Canyon. Why do people use it so much? What is so fucking amazing about any of this? "OHH MY GOD THIS IS SOOO AMAZING?!" Is that chapstick really that amazing?! I mean, it's alright. Whatever. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon thooose are amazing.

love always, charlie

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked “good.” Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair’s right for the first time in your life?

I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.









So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough.

yes,

here i am returning, the same girl who wanted only to belong to herself.

note:

if you try to fix violence with violence you'll only create more violence.

im stuck in

the EXACT situation everyone warned me not to get myself into.






im trying, im trying, im trying, i cant.

had lunch with my mom today

forgot how much i love her.

good morning blogspot.

currently my favorite video to wake up to(:

a man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

want to believe you.
im trying so hard.

they would probbably think of me as less of a person.

i doubt they even think of me as any kind of person.






p.s. chem trails really freak me out.

every queen size bed ive slept in

has probably been had sex in.

we're spinning in space and no one seems to care.

Oh, negitive nacy.

always wanting what i can't have.

never content with what i've been "blessed" with.

im always telling myself it could be worse...

at this rate it wouldn't take much.

and this hole in my heart seems to be impossible to fill.

i can never do anything right.

...story of my life, i suppose.

this is just an interlude

...or so i tell myself.

i fell in love with you all over again tonight.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.


Reflections of a Skyline

I've discovered at this point

drinking anything with caffine in it makes me sick..
back to basics.








h20

never ever ever give up.

life is short.
when two people find eachother...
what should stand in their way?

failure is my first, middle, and last name

People like you

make me so happy i exist.

i worry so much

i make myself sick.
im ready to pick up and leave NOW





i havnt got a clue anymore.
sitting, waiting, wishing.

:))

WARM WEATHERS BACK!!!

living in circles.

ive been waking up every night from terrible dreams.
everything that i dont want to happen in real life, happens in my dreams.
it's really starting to scare me.


it's to the point where i dont want to go to sleep at night because i'd rather avoid these dreams.
and waking up sweating and unable to go back to sleep for the night.




im sick of sleeping without you.

i'm so tired right now that i feel delirious..

again.


will tomorrow be a good day?
cross your fingers!
cross your fingers!
cross your fingers!

!!!

be happy, be happy

i promise i won't stay bitter
i promise i promise

hmmm

why do i let flakes and liars pass so easily?
idk. it takes too much effort to find the truth.
takes too much effort to see the people that only care half as much for you as you do for them.
too much effort to put in effort?


passive

hands?

hands give, hands take.
what the mind 'single handedly' can't do, the hand will help.
soft palms show a life of love, rough ones show a life of hard work to support the ones you love.
hands are my only proof.

re-feel

i didn't sleep at all and spent all night youtubing (..story of my life.)
im pretty convinced that any video mashed with the song "my body is a cage" is a masterpiece.

i'm getting re-obsessed with the music/things i used to be all into. oh mannn, i hope i don't start living in circles!

extremely unproductive days make me rethink almost everything.
1)"how am i supposed to get anything done when i'm here..?!" I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS RUT! It almost seems impossible.
2) i realized that i'm afraid of large, spacious places. how big? idk. but i don't like extra spaces. unless it's on a website...or ... you know. not afraid..i just don't know what to do to fill in that awkward place. i guess that applies to everything else that has to do with me..haha


ps,
it's funny how the smallest things can make such a huge difference.

dear insomnia,

leave me alone.

Things change.

Friends leave. Time stops for no one.

I just wanted to say

i really do love you.
if i didnt have you in my life right now i dont know what i would do.
i know we'll be more than okay.

shhhhpank for everything((:
especially loving me.

"i love you"

a phrase that could be copied, pasted

said with a bland expression

written with commas, periods

repeated, or re-phrased

with you, to you

could never lose it's meaning

to me.

what a miracle it is to be loved at all.

today i was cranky
and stressed
and tired
and headachy
and all my days are getting mixed up
and in the end i don't care for much




except for you.
a new chapter indeeeed.

All i want is for things to be okay.

Im not even asking to be happy.
Just okay..

Give me okay, please.

Closure?

noun, verb, -sured, -suring.
-noun

1. the act of closing; the state of being closed.

2. a bringing to an end; conclusion.

3. when something has been completed; when tension is released.


The service had a good turn out.
Im glad this weekends over because im more than ready to stop talking about it.

Hope you had a good weekend(:

Some days i dont wear my seatbelt because i feel like dying.

this is me, and how everything else is to me right now
-a big, messy, metal knot. i don't know if i want to untangle it. if i do, not right now.



I'd like to point out that I seriously have never had such a string of bad luck.

See you in three, Danville.

our life is frittered away by detail.

Simplify, simplify.

sleepoveeer

2+2=5

You are neither cold or hot. I wish you were either one or the other!

When it rains, it pours.

Im just 'here'.
...again

fact

If you're not making someone else happy, you're wasting your time.

I wish i could erase you..

But if you fall asleep in the snow, you don’t feel death coming

I think you think that you are unique.

I'm not saying that you are boring.
Just a sterotypical or common.
Cliche

It's only everything

I don't like to dwell about the past but
I think everyone gets their moments, their "days"

Kneller was right

It only happens if it doesnt matter..
comes without effort.



"Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange."

we'll find our way home.

I really truely have no complaints...
Just a lot of needs and wants(:

It's impossible for me to ignore you..

I love you. Grow up. Please.

Ooo-ahhh.

I have beenputting some thought into how I want to die.
Strap me to the biggest firework available.
I want to be blown to pieces.

2009

I got a midnight kiss and thats all that matters.